Relationships are complicated no matter who we are, and dating within the transgender community can make matters even trickier. So what is it that we are bringing to the table to help foster this personal connection, and let it grow into love? There are many aspects to consider when striving for a healthy relationship, and it is not always easy to find what we are looking for. Even when we are lucky enough to find love, a serious relationship takes constant effort from both persons. In the long run what you put into the relationship is what you will get out of it.
Everyone has different thoughts of what is essential when being with that special someone, but there are also certain traits that we can all agree on being important. Emotional, and physical attraction, or perhaps even a spiritual connection for some; these are the kinds of feelings that many search for in their partner. There is another characteristic that I would put greater value on than most of the others, and would argue that a serious relationship relies in large part to this.
Plain and simple honesty will in many cases be the deciding factor as to whether or not what you have can last. With so much at stake when you are dating, honesty is crucial. You can be charming, good looking, and do all the right things. Even still, if at the end of the day you aren’t open and honest then you won’t be getting far.
Now when I think of being honest I am not simply talking about not lying or keeping things from your partner. What I have in mind with regards to honesty goes deeper than that. Honesty starts with yourself, and then continues to those around you. You are the root of this so keep that in mind. It may be cliché, but you cannot find love if you do not love and understand yourself or your situation.
For both transgender women and trans-oriented men, we first and foremost have to be honest with ourselves. My relationships before admitting that I am a trans-oriented man were all doomed from the start. I wasn’t completely invested in being with someone because I wasn’t satisfied. Because I was not honest with myself about who I am, I only brought heartache to those I became involved with. I have also encountered transgender women who weren’t comfortable with themselves or their situation. They weren’t honest with themselves, and it showed. Don’t lie to yourself about how you feel. You can’t even begin searching for a relationship, serious or otherwise, if you won’t admit what it is you are searching for.
Even when you know who you truly are and the kind of person you are looking for there is still so much to keep in mind. What kind of relationship are you interested in? If you are only looking for something casual then once again be honest! Being clear with your intentions from the beginning saves everyone’s time, and effort. If you are the kind of person who tells people what they want to hear just to get in their good books stop while you are ahead. Toying with hearts is not the way to get what you want, and it’s not attractive. You know what is a turn-on though? Honesty is. It shows you are confident with yourself and know what you want, and that is damn sexy.
Now we’ve figured out the kind of person you are, what you are looking for in a person and in a relationship. Honesty has played a huge role up until now, and still will. Before you start getting caught up in the dating world, you need to see what your situation is. Are you in the position to start a relationship with someone? Can you see yourself committing the time and effort that that person deserves? It’s easy to start wanting to date right away, especially with online dating. We can get caught up in the excitement of not being single. Here is where it becomes important to know your circumstances. For example, if you are not in the position to travel to meet someone, is it really fair to them to continue a dialogue where the nature is more than friends? What about keeping the conversation flowing ever if you have no intentions of meeting them in person? Perhaps you are not comfortable with whom you are yet, and that is fine. What is not fine is leading someone else on when their heart is on the line.
With everything said and done, it’s far easier to find love when you are comfortable and open with yourself and what is going on. So why stop there? Take this attitude and carry it into the relationship. Earning the trust of the person you care about takes time, and honesty goes a long way towards that. The way my girlfriend put it is you need transparency with your partner. Opening up and sharing will not only earn you that level of trust, but it will also help you grow closer together. This still takes time, and it probably isn’t the best idea to blurt out everything at once. Just be who you are, talk about your past and future, and share your feelings and secrets. If they are the right match for you then they will accept you for who you are; the good and the bad.
The path to finding a serious relationship is always full of twists and turns. Don’t be afraid to be honest through everything, especially your search for love. Stand up and be proud of yourself, where you came from, and know what you are bringing into the relationship. Honesty helps develop trust, which is fundamental in any decent relationship. It is what will strengthen those bonds, and losing it will tear things apart in an instant.