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When your transgender date is Insecure

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz

I think insecurity happens once in a while to everybody except Elizabeth Taylor or Mariah Carey (I love them).

As a transgender woman, I have a LOT of insecurities.  Today, I’m going to be talking about how you can deal with your transgender date who’s battling her physical insecurities.  Puberty of a transwoman is different from a ciswoman. I didn’t grow boobs or started my period at 14.  A woman’s shape and form are what I aspired to have and it didn’t happen overnight and for free.  You have to know that although we get to live with what we have, there are times when it can become crippling seeing ourselves in the mirror without the reflection of who we want to be.  The lack of hips, butt, smaller waist, breasts, suppler skin, gentler facial features and etc. can all target a transitioning transwoman.

When I was 17, I already had soft features (I’m Asian) but I HATED my pot belly and fat arms because my Filipino diet consists of rice daily.  Yeah right Amanda, blame it on the Filipino diet.

My body wasn’t like most Asian trans women’s.  I grew up reading pro-ana blogs when I was a teen and remembering looking at Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, The Olsen Twins, and Paris Hilton as my “thinspirations”.  I have THE chubby gene (or maybe I just eat too much lol).  Suffice to say, my biggest insecurity was my weight.

Compliment your Transgender Date

This is a no-brainer but do this lol. It’s a good distraction but you must be sincere with this. She might be able to smell a lie from a mile away so be sure that you remind her of the good qualities she has and what makes you like her.  It really helps if you not only compliment her personality but you should be able to let her know what you find sexy about her look. You should be able to do so because after all, the attraction starts with the physical.  By doing this, she will feel like you still find her desirable even after all the exempli gratias I’ve mentioned above.

Talk about her Insecurities

Ask her as to why she feels so pressed about stuff that she doesn’t have.  Get to know her innately in order for you to worm your way in and find a good solution to her problems.  I know that she’s a grown-up and all but being in a relationship requires partnership and you might just be the perfect person to alleviate her self-inflicted pain.  Knowing that there’s someone I could share with anything that’s in my mind delivers great relief to me especially if it’s a person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  If she wants bigger boobs, hips, etc. and maybe you can help (I’m not telling you to be a sugar daddy but if you’re moneybags, what’s a couple of thousand dollars from your disposable income in order for her to fulfill her dreams?), you should definitely do so.

Reassure her that no matter what…

…or how she feels, you’ll always be there for your transgender date.

You may not be able to help in other forms for now but just by being on her side of the battle, she’ll feel like she already won the lottery.  To cut the story short, all you need to give is…

LOVE.  Cliched I know but hey, it helps.



Posted in Love and Relationship, Product updates

About the author

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
Just a random trans woman playing with makeup and skincare. Loves bacon and the operating table. I'm also the author of the dating guide book Dating Transgender Women for Gentlemen. Know more ->

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