Today, our topic is something way deeper than my usual woes about transgender dating. I’m going to talk about my fear as a transgender woman when it comes to dating guys. Dating is more complicated than what and what not to do… sometimes, there’s something just out of your control and it’s usually something that you cannot offer that your partner really wants that others can. When dating men, I always have this fear of… “What if he leaves me for a genetic woman because he wants to have children of his own?”. Another is my fear that he’s so used to dating cis girls that he might not find having s*x with me pleasurable. Lastly, my constant comparison of myself as to why he’s able to display his past genetic ex-girlfriends to the people he cares and loves and me not having the same treatment.
I’m not going to lie to you and say that I don’t think about the things I’ve mentioned above anymore. From time to time, my insecurities get the best of me. This is why it’s very hard for me to maintain a healthy relationship because my neurotic self always gets in the way. I have a new approach in order to make my future relationship work and it involves nobody else but… myself. If you watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, you’re always going to hear Mama Ru’s saying “If you don’t love yourself, then how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”.
I know how cliched that sounded right? Cliched but it brings nothing but the truth. I’ve had multiple relationships that failed simply because of my self-doubt. Simply because of how I viewed myself. I kept putting myself in a “transgender woman box” and have stayed there for quite a while. I’m talking too much and I’m still not able to share with you my plan in order to succeed in the world of transgender dating so without further ado…
I’m going to have to learn to fully accept myself and all my flaws in order to find someone who will be able to accept everything I am. I won’t aim to be a poster image of the dream girl anymore because I simply cannot be that. I’m going to have to accept the FACT that I AM someone’s DREAM GIRL. Believe it or not, no matter how unloved or undesired we feel, there will always be 1 person out of the hundred in the room that will want you for you. That’s my best way of para-phrasing Lady Gaga… I mean Madonna lol. I know that if you’re a pessimist, you want to land your fist on my face right now but that is my first plan. My next plan will be…
I AM A WOMAN
I won’t let anyone dictate my gender identity anymore. So what if I cannot bear a child? Big whoop! Plenty of cisgender women can’t do that either. That’s not the prime definition of what a woman is. I’m also not going to be caged in the thought of how I might not be able to please the guy like his exes would simply because he’s already HERE, looking for someone like me on a transgender dating website.
Lastly, If he’s not comfortable introducing me to his friends and families, I will get to the root of it first but if it goes on for more than a year, I’ll dump him because I know for a fact that it’s him who hasn’t seen me as the woman I am yet and that’s the type of man who has no moxie and is someone who I definitely don’t want to end up with.
Good luck to you!