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What Is The Best Sexual Role for Me?

Transgender dating has some nuances with regular dating. One of these is the sexual role. On the latter, the setup is usually the man being the top, and the woman being the bottom. In this world, the rules are a bit different.


If you’re a top, you’re in charge of the penetration. This may be by using your penis, toys, or other ways. The reason why other ways and toys were included is that not all tops necessarily have to have a penis.

Who can be tops?

  • Non-op transgender men
  • Post-op transgender women
  • Cisgender women
  • Transgender women who don’t have a functional penis

They may be able to top someone else by the use of toys. These are the usual dildos, vibrators, strap-ons, etc.


A bottom is someone who gets penetrated. Technically, anyone can be a bottom if they choose to be. We all have voids that can be explored. To keep it simpler, we all have holes.

Who can be bottoms?

  • Cisgender women
  • Cisgender men
  • Transgender men
  • Transgender women
  • And anyone willing!


Someone versatile is not exclusively top nor bottom. They’re able to adapt depending on what their partner enjoys more. However, many of them prefer being with a versatile partner as well. It’s because they’ve experienced the best of both worlds and don’t want to miss out on a specific pleasure.

Who can be naturally versatile?

  • Cisgender men who have a fully functional penis
  • Transgender women who have a fully functional penis

Who can be versatile?

  • Cisgender women
  • Cisgender men
  • Transgender men
  • Transgender women
  • And anyone willing!

Am I a Top?

There are plenty of ways to determine if you’re a natural top. If you are commanding in bed and like to drive, you just might be a natural top. A natural top also finds happiness not only feeling the tactile sensations of going in-and-out, they also enjoy seeing their partner moan with gusto from what they’re doing.

couple on a bed

Suffice to say, not a lot of them will be able to top naturally. For a bottom to be very effective, one must have ample pain tolerance. Added to that, flexibility is a welcome bonus. Not all tops have the stamina to remain in a specific position and the bottom must compromise.

Moreover, not a lot of tops are into hairy private parts. This must be discussed before doing the deed. But to stay on the safe side, the bottom must ensure well-groomed privates.

For the bottom to be excellent, they must:

  • Possess good hygiene
  • Be flexible and have good endurance
  • Communicate their thoughts well and set boundaries
  • Know how to use muscle control
  • Proper rhythm and more

Am I Versatile?

It can be tricky to truly determine if one’s really versatile. Sometimes, when we love someone, we tend to switch sexual roles even if we’re not into it. However, if you honestly relate to the majority of things listed here, you’re highly likely sexually versatile.

couple having sex

A versatile person enjoys all the pains and the pleasures that come with being a top or bottom. They also don’t just participate in either role just because they find the need to. What drives them to be versatile is knowing that they’re able to provide joy and doing so fills them.

Being sexually versatile requires more can pose a challenge especially to neophytes. It takes more than just giving or receiving. Now that you have to flawlessly portray both sexual roles, the pressure is on.

  • Have open communication with your partner
  • Stop when needed
  • Study positions and execute them
  • Be strong in driving the situation
  • Practice intimacy even when penetrating
  • Have excellent hygiene
  • Train your flexibility and endurance
  • Draw boundaries
  • Practice muscle control
  • Proper rhythm and more

I Don’t Fit The Three Sexual Roles

If you still don’t fully connect after assessing what’s listed above, this may mean that you’re not into penetration. Some people are perfectly fine with doing just foreplay. Others are also just into oral sex.

True love does not require the performance of the act of love. It comes from a deeper place that only soulmates are able to experience. Moreover, you may also be asexual and you just don’t know it yet.

woman alone on a bed

Some transgender women also find it hard to determine their sexual role because they have not achieved their dreams of having a GRS yet. They’ll only find clarity once they go through it and have something to put into practice.

But in transgender dating, and dating in general, you must understand preference. People have preferences and don’t be offended if you don’t fit their standards. You will eventually find someone for you who’s going to love you even if you’re not top, bottom, or versatile.

Find A Match

Seeking for your soulmate? Create a My Transsexual Date account today. It’s the first decent dating website for trans women and the men who love them. You’ll meet a lot of people who are not only into a person just because of a certain sexual role.

Posted in Love and Relationship

About the author

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
Just a random trans woman playing with makeup and skincare. Loves bacon and the operating table. I'm also the author of the dating guide book Dating Transgender Women for Gentlemen. Know more ->

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