Because a trans woman likes to emphasize her femininity, whereas many ciswomen no longer do so? Because cisgender men feel threatened by social changes or, on the contrary, they embrace the challenge of the traditional gender and sexuality dichotomy?
Or maybe because they simply “like women with dicks. I like tits and I like dicks… Something erotic about getting fucked by someone who is a woman.” (Men Who Have Sex with Transgender Women: Challenges to Category-based HIV Prevention)
Today, everybody is the same
Emancipation and globalization (along with various social, economic, political and other aspects of life) have come to a point in which sex and gender differences are being blurred.
A lot of things are becoming very much the same for cis and trans people. First off, dressing up.
There are many unisex clothes to choose from. Nowadays many women wear pants. For many reasons. And I haven’t noticed it until I went to Paris. To that day I’ve very rarely seen women wearing skirts.
Not dresses, but regular skirts. It’s pants all over, pretty much everywhere. I’m not saying that skirts determine womanhood; women are women, skirt or pants, it’s just an example of a wider topic.
Before, gender roles were more pronounced and it was easier to point out certain dichotomies. Today, however, both males and females share a lot of antics. This can go from day-to-day activities such as who does the chores, hygiene practices, certain hobbies, etc.
In the old days, women were expected to do the housework while men were expected to go out of the house to earn a living. In today’s world, certain situations allow for the opposite to happen. Many women thrive in the world of business and other careers that only men were able to bask upon.
In the beauty industry, male skincare is highly prominent in advertisements, and gone are the days when only the women get to express their vanity. A lot of male actors and models, even average Joes, are open to sharing with the world, the beauty products that they use before bedtime.
Added to that, certain hobbies have been explored by women that have been commonly associated with men. Car racing, various sports, and carpentry.
The Dating World
In the olden days, men were obliged to pursue women. Nowadays, there’s nothing wrong with women admitting their feelings and doing the first move. Nobody calls a woman a slut, harlot, or anything insulting anymore for being adamant about taking charge of making a relationship happen.
You’ll commonly encounter relationships wherein the woman “wears the pants” and the man has no qualms about it. This blurs the lines more and further proves that gender stereotypes have nothing to do with one’s sex.
Added to that, it’s not very uncommon to find a man who’s a bit submissive in the bedroom. Many cisgender heterosexual relationships participate in sexual activities such as S and M, whereby the man usually chooses to be submissive.
Nowadays, a lot of women are self-made millionaires. They’re also very highly educated. In the old days, women were pressured by society to not pursue higher education. They were encouraged to be homemakers instead. Now, a lot of them are exploring unconventional “manly jobs”.
There are many women pilots, captains, and soldiers around the world. These jobs were only usually filled by men back in the day. They don’t only have these titles for show, they actually excel in their chosen careers.
Women back then were underestimated when it comes to physical strength and were not encouraged to do sports. However, in today’s world, you’ll find a lot of amazing women who are even Olympic champions. There are also a lot of female wrestlers who have huge followings.
Added to that, the media highly encourages all genders to participate in being fit and healthy, and gone are the days when it’s only the men that are supposed to be strong.
Transgender individuals in the entertainment industry
Transgender individuals nowadays can play cisgender roles and vice versa in movies and on TV. The stigma is slowly but surely being broken by the inclusivity that’s happening around the world.
Just recently, a transgender woman was able to represent her country, Spain in the Miss Universe pageant. Her name’s Angela Ponce and she’s a trailblazer for many trans beauty queen hopefuls around the globe.
Miss Universe was originally only open to cisgender women contestants. Added to that, Arielle Keil, a transgender woman, won in New Zealand’s national beauty pageant in 2020 and she will be representing her country in the Miss Intercontinental Pageant.
The French cis women example
The stereotypical French woman is known for her femininity. She is a strong-minded person who knows what she wants and doesn’t hesitate to get it.
What’s even more important, she draws her strength from being a woman. It’s not regarded as a weakness (as it still is, unfortunately, in many countries).
Then a theory hit me. A theory, which – as Anne Elk (Miss) would put it – is mine and belongs to me and I own it. But first, a digression.
Gynephilia is a word taken from a division of sexual interests, which roughly means an attraction to femininity in general, regardless of the feminine person’s sex/gender.
Which would explain why some men are attracted to trans women and ciswomen.
In the dualistic division of gender roles, they simply prefer females and all they stereotypically represent:
- inner rather than physical strength
- beauty and submission (which may seem contradictory, but they’re not).
The typical beauty of a feminine woman is usually defined by her gentle nature. She’s the kind who won’t get easily aggravated over little things. A lot of transgender women are quite composed and master the etiquette of what makes an attractive woman both inside and outside.
She usually doesn’t resort to arguments and won’t be subject to foolishness. A transgender woman has been through a lot. Albeit having tough skin, she knows what battles to choose.
Because transgender women have been discriminated against, they know how it feels to be marginalized. They are often empathetic which makes a man’s attraction to transgender women, a no-brainer.
People who lived pretty easy lives don’t usually value the importance of caring for other people. They’re so warped into their own little problems that they forget to look at the bigger picture.
Empathy is mostly associated with feminine women. Think of Mother Theresa, Audrey Hepburn, Princess Diana, etc. They are paragons of empathy and it’s not puzzling to see why they’re rewarded with massive adulation.
Submission doesn’t always equate to regression. There are certain submissive qualities that can still be applied today that won’t hurt a certain individual’s character. Sometimes, knowing how to wield submission can also be advantageous to a woman.
Women who are more cool, calm, and collected when arguments occur are more endearing. Furthermore, women who know how to be modest in their achievements, how they present themselves, and how they dress, are more mystifying and interesting to men.
This is the power of having grace under pressure. In order to achieve grace, a submissive nature must be channeled. This can apply to how you walk, talk, act, and more.
Finally, let’s face it, men are quite visual. This is why a lot of men who get a divorce in their middle ages remarry a much younger woman. Because transgender women are often made fun of when it comes to certain nuances between their looks and cisgender womens’, transgender women take care of themselves more.
The amount of energy and hard work required in order to pass (look feminine, giving people a harder time distinguishing if one’s a transgender woman) is enormous.
This goes from having the same level of hormones as cisgender women, cosmetic surgeries to achieve a coveted idea of how a woman’s face and body should look like, and knowledge in fashion that can further amplify the attraction that can be achieved from the opposite gender.
So, why are men trans-attracted ?
In short, the three listed below are why men are attracted to transgender women.
The astounding Femininity of trans women
Many trans women very much like to accentuate their femininity (in a traditionally regarded way). And in my opinion, that’s why men find themselves attracted to transwomen.
It’s not at all about underwear contents, as they usually don’t find other men attractive and don’t consider themselves gay.
It’s because many ciswomen have abandoned or lost their stereotypical femininity. Because men have been put off by extreme feminism and they shy away from their attraction to women (cis); by uniformity.
The penis’ role and sexual orientation
Jamison Green writes that:
“Plenty of penis-less transmen […] engage in sex with penis-equipped gay men […] and these non-trans partners are often surprised to find that a penis is not what defines a man, that the lack of a penis does not mean a lack of masculinity, manliness, or male sexuality.” (Becoming a Visible Man)
So I suppose it works the other way around as well.
I guess it means that nothing’s simple and it’s not all exclusively about the body. There may be something deeper down there. Something yet to be discovered.
I don’t claim to be the sage of our times. And I know it’s much exaggerated, simplified and full of generalities. But I also think that it’s not entirely illogical and nonsensical. And I like to think that there’s some added value there.
As I’ve already said, that is my theory about men who dated trans women, their sex life, or men in ts dating sites. It is mine, and belongs to me and I own it, and what it is too. After all, all brontosauruses were thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end.
The heart wants what it wants
Lastly, we can’t discount the most important factor as to why some men prefer transgender women… the heart wants what it wants. To some men, when asked, their simple answer is usually, because they’re women. Others have a more concise and straight to the point answer such as they just fall in love with them.
Transgender, cisgender, or whatever gender, the attraction is something that’s quite hard to explain. Sometimes, we just fall to some people who may even not check one box in our list of preferences. Love moves in mysterious ways and it’s what makes it more exciting.