Skip to content

How to tell my parents that my girlfriend is transgender

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
This post was last updated on .

In today’s topic, we will be dealing with something common in the world of transgender dating. Sure, it may seem kind of an innocent thought to think of having a trans girlfriend or be attracted to trans women. However, are you really ready to experience everything else that comes along; especially when friends and family are involved?

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of coming out with a transgender girlfriend to your parents, we will discuss coming out on less vital aspects of your life first.

Coming out with My Transgender Girlfriend

All the tips that will be listed here will only work in certain places. If you live in a country whereby it’s fatal to be:

  • transgender
  • gay
  • lesbian, etc

please proceed with caution.

There are certain countries wherein it’s illegal to do “gay” acts because of religion. Because of it, simply loving another soul is punishable by law. This is a serious dilemma. You’re not just dealing with your yellow toenail here.

Social Media

I’m sorry but I don’t find the need to out your girlfriend on a very toxic platform like social media.

Added to that, once you do this, your chances of coming out to more important aspects of your life may be taken away from you.

Social media apps

There’s really no need to come out on :

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • TikTok, etc.

just to just to profess your love for your girlfriend. It doesn’t make sense and is not something noble but more of a show-off. It may also intensify your girlfriend’s gender dysphoria. your love for your girlfriend. It doesn’t make sense and does is not something noble but more of a show-off.

Friends

Let’s start with something easy, coming out with your trans girlfriend to your friends.

Obviously, the repercussions of doing such will be a shift in treatment, disconnection, and unacceptance.

However, it’s not always going to be like this.

two friends talking

If you have true friends, your transgender girlfriend shouldn’t be suggested to appear as a dichotomy between you and your friends’ relationship. Your true friends will support your happiness. They will be the last persons to judge you.

Before you fully come out, you may want to mention transgender women in conversations first and see their reactions. Doing so will hurt the blow less because you’re going to be given a preview on whether your friends are transphobic or not.

Maybe, somehow, slide something in a conversation about:

  1. How you find this girl pretty then you find out that she’s a trans person
  2. Tell them that you have a crush who happens to be a transgender woman and ask if you should pursue her

There are many ways to go around this one and I’m sure that you’ll find a way. Just remember not to talk about trans people negatively because this may reinforce their transphobia further (if they’re indeed transphobic).

School

As of 2020, I personally think that this is the perfect time to come out with a transgender girlfriend.

The future is the youth and giving normalcy to transgender people at an early age will secure the future to not be as transphobic as it is today.

Students meeting

However, if you’re studying in a strict religious school that likes to get into people’s business, it’s best not to come out. Don’t jeopardize your future because you’re going to have stability if you’re planning to be with a transgender woman.

Know that up to today, transgender people are not given enough opportunity in the workforce. You hold the key into securing your future so think about this 100 times or more before doing it.

With all that said, in general, it’s okay. You don’t have to be silly about it and you don’t have to tell every single schoolmate about your personal business. However, there’s also nothing to be ashamed of in going out publicly on group dates.

Work

I have a 50/50 feeling about this. I’m a transgender woman and I’ve experienced rejection from the workforce because of my gender identity.

It is not easy to get a stable job in a climate like this (I’m writing this article at the time of the COVID-19 pandemic).

meeting

If your company protects the rights of LGBTQIA, there’s a better chance to come out successfully with your transgender girlfriend. Added to that, if you have colleagues who are transgender individuals and they’re not being subject to harassment and discrimination in the workforce, I don’t see a problem and I don’t find the need for your dating life to be so discreet.

However, on an occasion, whereas everything that I’ve just mentioned is non-existent, it’s better to stay hush about your girlfriend’s identity. I’m pretty sure that if you explain it to her, she would understand. After all, work is a fundamental requirement for people to live a comfortable and happy life.

Family

Before we get to the final stage of coming out with your girlfriend, AKA the parents, it’s time to assess whether or not you should come out to the rest of your family members like your siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

Let it be known that doing so can result in a myriad of ways.

Big family
  1. One, they will accept you and help you come out to your parents.
  2. Two, everything will go haywire and your parents will know right even before you get the courage to tell them yourself.

I only believe that you should come out to a family member if you’re sure that they will not rat you out. If you’re really close and you have intimate secrets with them that you have not told anyone, even your parents, it’s the perfect opportunity to come out.

I love my Transgender Girlfriend but How…

I got a very interesting message earlier from a Filipino guy. He asked me for advice on how he can tell his mother that his girlfriend is transgender.  He added that his mother is already aware that he has a girlfriend but she has no idea that she is transgender.  He’s been with his transgender date for 7 months and from his long message, it’s safe to say that he’s going through a dilemma.

Let it be known that in our country, the Philippines. transgender people are only tolerated but not yet fully accepted. Many even say that even if a trans guy or trans woman already undergone gender reassignment surgery, they’re still the gender they were assigned at birth.

All thanks to the Macho culture and the Catholic upbringing.

He hasn’t gotten back yet about my query regarding his age so I’m going to write in here what I’ll exactly tell him to do in different circumstances.

To be honest, I’m still gushing knowing that some people take my articles seriously lol.  Alright, let’s get to it.

You are below 16, 18, or 21

Or whatever is of legal age in your country.

Take note that if your transgender date is legal and you are not, this relationship is not a good idea

She’s basically using you for your flesh and why are you even on a dating website?

Teenager

Lol.  Just… go away now and break up with her.

You’re legal but… your parents still feed you

Get a job you bum lol.

Hmm… this is a very sticky situation but not as sticky as the first section. 

To be honest, if your transgender date is stable enough to support the both of you (not that I’m enabling your laziness), I think it’s okay for you to come out.

Guy is thinking

Granted that she will be there for you no matter what the outcome will be.

I don’t want to make it seem like it’s all about the money but be prepared that your parents might not be supportive of this idea and may kick you out or force you to break up with her.

Life is not a Disney movie so in terms of dating a transgender woman + coming out, always have an 80/20 mindset; with the latter being the odds that YOUR people will be genuinely happy for you.

You have your OWN life

Meaning that you don’t ask anybody to pay your food and bills.

Since you’re not liable to anybody’s feelings anymore when it comes to your OWN happiness, I think this is the perfect time to come out.

Working guy

Sure, things may get ugly and you might get emotions of disappointment geared towards your way but at the very least, you have the option to choose as to which energy you’d entertain because communication can be halted nowadays with a simple click of the block button.

If you’re feeling like coming out just so that you don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells just because of the harmless lifestyle that you choose and for picking your girlfriend as the love of your life, go for it. 

You won’t have to worry about sleeping in the garage or something for telling the truth if you’re in the stage of your life in this section.

Should I tell the WORLD about my Girlfriend?

As a transgender woman myself, I don’t need the validation of the world to know if a man loves me. Besides, my trans experience is nobody’s business. I don’t find the need for the world to know that I’m a transgender woman.

I’m pretty sure that there are many others like me out there that don’t need such attention. If your girlfriend is so insecure and she pressures you to do things that are not plausible at the moment, she’s pretty much not the girl for you.

Find yourself a mature girlfriend who’s not into all the drama and trivial stuff. Get a REAL woman who is happy with a REAL relationship and not someone who thrives in such clownery.

Did you learn anything from this How to tell my Parents that My Girlfriend is Transgender guide? If you did, kindly share it on your timeline.

Good luck!

xx

Amanda

Posted in Love and Relationship

About the author

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
Just a random trans woman playing with makeup and skincare. Loves bacon and the operating table. I'm also the author of the dating guide book Dating Transgender Women for Gentlemen. Know more -> dtwfgbook.com

Related posts

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *