Cautionary Tales from Trans Women Who Met Men on Trans Dating Sites
Entering the world of online dating as a trans woman can be exciting, but it also comes with unique challenges and risks. While many men on trans dating sites are genuine and respectful, others may not have the best intentions.
Learning from the experiences of others can help you navigate these interactions more safely and confidently. Here are ten cautionary tales from trans women who met men on dating sites, each followed by actionable advice to help you avoid similar situations.
“He seemed perfect at first, but after a few weeks, he started asking for explicit photos.”
Setting boundaries early in any relationship is crucial to ensure both parties feel respected and comfortable. If someone starts asking for explicit photos, it’s important to be clear and firm about your boundaries.
You can politely but firmly let them know that you are not comfortable sharing such images and that you prefer to keep your interactions respectful and appropriate. It’s helpful to establish these boundaries from the beginning by communicating what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
Trust your instincts and remember that you have every right to end a conversation or relationship that doesn’t respect your limits. Prioritize your safety and well-being above all else, and don’t hesitate to block or report anyone who crosses your boundaries.
“We had a great connection online, but when we met in person, he was nothing like his profile.”
To avoid unpleasant surprises, verifying someone’s identity before meeting in person is essential. Start by using video calls to see and interact with the person face-to-face. This can help ensure that the person you’re talking to matches their profile pictures and description. Look for consistency in their stories and details; if something feels off, don’t ignore it.
Additionally, consider doing a little background research. Check their social media profiles for consistency with what they’ve told you. If they seem hesitant to share more personal details or avoid video calls, it could be a sign that they’re not who they claim to be.
“He was very supportive of my transition, but then he started pressuring me to move faster than I was comfortable with.”
Maintaining control over the pace of your relationship is crucial for your comfort and well-being. If someone starts pressuring you to move faster than you’re comfortable with, it’s important to communicate your feelings clearly.
Let them know that you appreciate their support but need to move at a pace that feels right for you. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, such as “I feel pressured when you ask me to move faster, and I need us to slow down.”
Don’t be afraid to take a step back from the relationship if it’s making you uncomfortable. Your comfort and emotional health should always come first.
“He claimed to be understanding, but he kept misgendering me during our conversations.”
Respect for your identity is non-negotiable in any relationship. If someone misgenders you, it’s crucial to address it immediately. Politely but firmly correct them and explain how important it is for you to be referred to by the correct pronouns and name. You might say, “I need you to use the correct pronouns when talking to me. It’s important for my identity and comfort.”
Observe their response. If they are genuinely understanding and respectful, they will make an effort to correct themselves and use the right terms. If they repeatedly misgender you despite your corrections, it’s a sign that they may not truly respect your identity.
“We planned to meet up, but he canceled last minute with a suspicious excuse.”
Flaky behavior can be frustrating and a sign of deeper issues. If someone frequently cancels plans with suspicious excuses, it’s important to recognize this pattern early.
To avoid flaky behavior, set clear expectations from the beginning. Communicate your desire for consistency and reliability in the relationship. Suggest setting firm plans and see how they respond. If they respect your request and start showing up consistently, that’s a positive sign. However, if the flaky behavior continues, it’s best to reconsider the relationship.
“After a few dates, he started making comments that made me uncomfortable about my body.”
When someone makes comments about your body that make you uncomfortable, it’s important to address it directly and assertively. Start by expressing how the comments make you feel.
You can say something like, “I feel hurt and uncomfortable when you make comments about my body. I need you to respect my feelings and avoid making such remarks.” Being clear about your boundaries is essential for ensuring that the other person understands the impact of their words.
If the comments continue, it’s a red flag that the person may not respect your boundaries or your feelings. In such cases, it’s important to consider whether this relationship is healthy for you.
“He was charming at first, but then he began isolating me from my friends and family.”
Controlling behavior often starts subtly but can escalate over time. Early warning signs include trying to monopolize your time, discouraging you from seeing friends and family, and making you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with others. He might use phrases like, “Why do you need to see them? You have me,” or make you feel bad for having a social life outside of him.
To address this, maintain your independence and set firm boundaries. Make it clear that your relationships with friends and family are important to you.
“He insisted on meeting at his place for our first date, and I didn’t feel safe.”
When someone insists on meeting at their place for the first date, it’s important to prioritize your safety. Suggest meeting in a public place instead. You can say, “I feel more comfortable meeting in a public place for our first date. How about we meet at a café or a park?” This ensures that you have control over the situation and can leave easily if you feel uncomfortable.
Your safety and comfort should always come first, and a respectful partner will understand and accommodate your need for a safe, public meeting spot.
“He kept bringing up his ex-partner in conversations, comparing me to her.”
When someone keeps comparing you to their ex-partner, it can be hurtful and undermine your confidence. Address it by communicating your feelings clearly.
You can say, “I feel uncomfortable and hurt when you compare me to your ex. I want our relationship to be about us, not about your past relationships.”
Observe how he responds. A respectful partner will understand and make an effort to avoid such comparisons in the future.
“He seemed really interested, but then he ghosted me after I shared about my transition.”
For those who found their dates on a non-trans dating site, being ghosted after sharing one’s transition journey is common. To better gauge someone’s intentions, take your time getting to know them before opening up about deeply personal aspects of your life. Look for signs of genuine interest and consistency in their behavior. If they are respectful, attentive, and communicate openly, it’s a good sign they are trustworthy.
You can also ask questions to understand their views and values better. Pay attention to how they react to your general discussions about your identity and experiences. If they show understanding and empathy, it’s a positive sign.
However, if they seem disinterested or uncomfortable with any aspect of your identity, it might be best to withhold more personal details until you feel more confident in their intentions. Building a strong foundation of trust and respect is key before sharing deeply personal information.
Did those tales put you off from finding your soulmate online? Don’t worry, by sticking to dedicated trans dating sites like My Transgender Date, you can find a supportive community that understands and respects your identity.
We offer a safe, inclusive space where you can build real connections without fear of prejudice. Join today and experience the difference of dating within a community that celebrates you for who you are.
