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How To Be Less Intimidating

Are you a trans woman who always gets comments like you’re intimidating? This may pertain to many areas of your life. Some may feel that you’re too attractive. Others may think it’s your posture or the way you communicate. While others just get this vibe from you because of the topics you often talk about right off the bat.

If so, there are tweaks to this so men would be compelled to know you better instead of running away with fear. Please know that this guide was not created to change who you are. This was made to help you adjust your façade so that men will have more opportunity to truly getting to know the real you.


Let’s start with something easier to deal with… the physical. Before you wander off, this is not about changing your looks. This has more to do with your body language and social graces.

smiling woman

Smile More

People in general, are most likely to approach a person who often smiles. A simple gesture like this will get you far in life. Because you’re not repelling people, you will have more chances to get yourself out there. They will be urged, even feel excited, in getting to know you more.

But don’t do this in a forced way. Even smiling without teeth can already change how people perceive you. People don’t know how to read minds. It’s up to us to not give out confusing energy.

Body Language

Are you the type to always feel the need to avoid physical contact? While there’s nothing wrong with that, don’t be too obvious. Don’t turn your back on anyone when or look away too often.

Added to that, don’t fold your arms like you’re not feeling the vibe. Lastly, avoid putting your hand on your hip like you’re about to pick a fight with somebody. These body languages look very combative. However, it’s also not good to look too meek and shy.

Yes, you’re not going to intimidate anyone if you often bow your head, slouch, or look like you’re too embarrassed to exist. That’s not attractive either. Just channel a confident stance and posture without looking like you’re trying too hard.

Avoid Resting Bitch Face

Yes, the RBF! If you have this, you’ll understand why many people will be accusatory of you, being intimidating. Not everyone can master not doing this because it happens subconsciously but there are ways to practice getting rid of the RBF.

For example, when you’re alone and browsing your mobile, practice always smiling or having a neutral expression. Don’t frown, look unimpressed, and dissatisfied. You may also do this while reading a book.

Moreover, avoid putting tension between your eyebrows because, in hindsight, you’ll look like you’re mad about something. Besides, it’s a sure way to prematurely age your skin and you wouldn’t want that. If you can’t avoid it because you’ll have a hard time reading the small texts on your device, it’s time to get new glasses.

Eye Contact

Ladies, you are not being a slut or aggressive if you maintain eye contact with a man. Don’t be too shy in doing so. If you speak with someone and you look them in the eye, they will get an air of sincerity and they will most likely be compelled to know you more.

Don’t Be Afraid To Touch

Shaking hands are good but way too formal. If you want to let another person feel like you’re willing to communicate on an intimate level, you must learn the art of touching by accident.

Why not touch a man on his arms or playfully hit his chest whenever he makes a joke. These little “rewards” will make him blush but won’t let him think that you’re desperate or slutty. Mild flirtation doesn’t hurt!

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Now, that you’ve sorted out the easy bit, it’s time to get more cerebral. Please know that everything listed here may or may not apply to you. Take everything with a grain of salt.

a smiling woman

Less Vulgar Vocabulary

People assume that men are less “stiff” and are more open when it comes to the wild side of life. But this doesn’t mean that they all appreciate someone who speaks like she has studied her ABCs using an urban dictionary.

A lot of people find vulgarity offputting. If you often cuss, try to lessen it most especially when speaking with someone new. This will intimidate them. Not to say that you must be prissy but you get the gist.

Avoid Negative Topics

Now, even if you have an impeccable vocabulary and you know how to weave euphemisms like you co-wrote the Merriam-Webster dictionary, if your topics always revolve around negativity, you will keep on intimidating people.

Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t know when to covering everything with a dark cloud. In the beginning stages of getting to know someone, you must only talk about light topics. This will give the other person an air of optimism from you and they will most likely be coming back for more.

2-Way Conversations

Nobody enjoys talking to someone who only talks about themselves. When it comes to conversations, you must learn how to listen. But don’t stop at listening, you must apply. Ask questions about what you’ve learned from the other person as they ask you as well.

You’ll see how easy it is to be a good conversationalist just by following this simple trick.


When someone tells you about something they like, fear, hate, etc., don’t shut them down. Remarks like “Eww, that sounds gross”, or saying “I would never!”, are all very dismissive.

You have to learn how to formulate an opinion without sounding rude and uneducated. Added to that, if the person is explaining or telling a story, let them finish first. Don’t listen in one ear and let the words escape from the other. Have an open mind and you will see that life has much more to offer than what’s already inside of your little bubble.

Calling By Name

Psychologists say that when you mention the name of the person you’re talking to, they will find you more memorable. They will always remember your voice, how you say their name, and your accent, which will all subconsciously lead them to think more about you.

Instead of saying, “Hello!”, you say, “Hello, Bob!”. Go from “Thanks!” to “Thanks, Bob!”.

If you reached this point, congratulations! This just means that people will engage more with you. Why not try what you’ve learned today by signing up to My Transgender Date.

There are thousands of people who are looking for love with transgender women. Maybe it’s you they’re waiting for!

Posted in Love and Relationships
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About the author

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
Amanda Valentine is a transgender woman who has written about trans topics for over 10 years for My Transgender Date. She is an author who made it on Amazon’s best-seller list by writing 5 books on trans women’s relationships. Her book “Dating Transgender Women for Gentlemen” peaked at #3 in the Transgender Studies category on Amazon. She started writing at the age of 10 and won a poetry contest in 4th grade which convinced her to pursue a career in literature. Her personal experiences as a transgender woman give her a unique perspective on trans topics.

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