Transgender women who date transgender women

Dating… a word that sounds very familiar but a word that cannot simply be defined in a quintessential manner. It goes in myriad directions, above and beyond. You know the fundamentals of it. However, will you be able to have the same familiarity when it veers from what you think you know?

There are a lot of Transgender Dating Sites for women that don’t necessarily endorse a prototype of a straight relationship but majorly represent it. The idea of a man and a woman as the perfect couple is rampantly seen as the 15-second advertisement of a fast-food chain right before you can watch a video on Youtube.

Transgender Lesbian: An Introduction

• What if a transgender woman in a dating site is looking for transgender women as well?
• What if a transgender woman happens to find love with a cisgender woman outside of a transgender dating site for women?

To be honest, the realities I’ve listed above were once a novelty to me. As a transgender woman, I’ve always thought that one of the main advantages of me transitioning is to be able to attract men easier. I was once ignorant and associated gender with sexual preference.

Gender has NOTHING to do with PREFERENCE

To elaborate better on trans lesbians, you first have to know that gender has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation. Gender is personal. Being male, female, or neither, may only be  exclusively defined by the owner of the body.

• A transgender woman transitioned to be a woman NOT because she finds it helpful to attract men.
• A transgender woman transitioned to be a woman FOR HERSELF and HER GENDER EXPRESSION.

This is the reason why trans lesbians exist. The gender does not influence one’s attraction at all. This goes the same way for transgender men who prefer to be with men.

How do you address Transgender Lesbians?

You address them as with the umbrella term WOMEN, period! 

Not because they are dating someone feminine means that they’re comfortable in assuming masculine names, pronouns, and more.

Do not use the words:

• he
• him
• his
• mister
• sir
• monsieur
• senior
• senorito, and more to pertain to her

Call her by her name and use the words:

• she
• her
• hers
• miss
• mam
• mademoiselle
• seniora
• senorita, etc.

Her womanhood cannot be reduced into a role and is not something that she’s doing sporadically. A trans person is most likely dealing with gender dysphoria so you have to be very sensitive with certain terminologies.

Again, a transgender lesbian is a WOMAN whether she’s not female at birth and she deserves to be treated and called as such.

Who do they date?

Transgender lesbians may exclusively date cisgender women (women who were assigned at birth as female) or transgender women. This all boils down to the individual. They could also date both. 

Take for example Caitlyn Jenner:

• she has married a cisgender woman named Kris Jenner
• she has also been in a romantic relationship with a transgender woman named Candis Cayne

No matter what type of woman a trans woman chooses to date, as long as she’s exclusively dating women, she’s a transgender lesbian.

• If she chooses to date transgender men or cisgender men exclusively, she’s a straight transgender woman.
• The moment she chooses to date both, she’s a bisexual transgender woman.

Now, if she’s open to dating everyone and having sensual relationships with them regardless of gender identity, she’s pansexual.

They didn’t WASTE their transition

This misconception is quite offensive to trans people and must stop.

I hear a lot of people saying negative things about transgender lesbians:

• They go as far as to share how wasteful it is for a trans woman to undergo transition just to end up with a woman. 
• Some even say that trans lesbians are crazy and question as to why they go through all the trouble and not end up with a man. And they should’ve just chosen to live their lives based on the sex they were assigned with.

This is quite a disgusting idea and it is very ignorant.

I know that we were all once novices but if you still keep having these thoughts even after my constant reiteration, you really should work on your judgment.

My first encounter with a transgender lesbian

The first time that I was able to witness a Transgender Woman to Transgender Woman relationship was when I was in Thailand in support of my friend who has undergone her gender reassignment surgery.

I was just at the tender age of 18 when I saw one of the most beautiful Transgender Women in the world. She was statuesque, slender, and had a very feminine face. She happens to be my friend’s friend who is visiting while my friend had her legs up in the sky from her gender reassignment surgery recovery.

Sandy

“This is Sandy” my friend Sofia said.

Sandy, a Thai transgender woman who is as equally as beautiful as my immobile friend greeted.

“Hello! What’s your name?”

“Hi I’m Caitlyn”

(the name I was going by at that time and no, it wasn’t because of how popular caitlyn jenner is because I used that name back in 2008.) I shyly replied.

“You go to Shanghai?” she immediately continued.

I was in a catatonic state because what she was asking me was a double-edged sword and I cannot explain as to why.

I smiled and shook my head from left to right and not long after…

Mia

“Sofia!” another woman greeted.

She looked fairly as beautiful as Sandy and Sofia. They were all svelte, tall and elegant and I was a chubby 18-year old transitioning transgender woman on a corner in awe of their beauty. I was mesmerized for minutes thinking how I’d want to age faster so I could have the full effects of hormones to be able to look like them up until…

“This is Mia, Sandy’s girlfriend”, Sofia informed without a warning.

Wait what?!

I was puzzled… wait, not just puzzled, I was mystified!

Not too long after, Mia planted a kiss on Sandy’s lips right before she went out of the room.

Transgender lesbian or not, straight or not, love is love

Love is indefinable as the cliché goes. What I saw in that room was not an episode of confusion about sensual attraction or gender identity. From the way Mia held Sandy’s waist as they both conversed with my friend Sofia to the kiss they shared before they parted ways, that was love.

Some people think that a transgender person person is  crazy for transitioning and then dating a person with the same gender identity. Some even go as far as to advise them to just revert their transition, the same people who think Lesbian and Gay transgenders are just going through a nonsensical hassle.

Those are the people who tend to forget that we all have different genetic makeups, the same people who can’t explain as to why they can’t go out of the house without wearing their favorite bacon underwear or yellow necktie; the same people who are deathly allergic to shrimp but still eat it… you know… the same people who hate prejudice but keep on judging.

Lesbian and Gay transgender people should not be paradoxical, they exist and should be part of the norm.

Love who you love and die without regrets because, at the end of the day, other people can’t steal the pen from you and define what dating should be and most definitely should not write YOUR love story.

Respect

If you still can’t empathize with the situation, all you have to do is respect. I’m very sure that as an individual, you also have some questionable preferences. Questionable in a sense that it does not go with the current status quo. Don’t front by saying that you’re the paragon of normalcy.

Normalcy is so overrated. People should love who they choose to (as long as they’re of legal age whether they’re lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) without others trying to get into the mix. What goes on between two individuals in a relationship is between the two of them.

Come on, don’t you want to get the same RESPECT and treatment from others when it comes to your relationship? If you’re still not convinced, try widening your horizons and inviting diverse people into your circle.

By doing so, empathy and respect will both be quite accessible to you and you’re going to unlock a world wherein you’re going to witness PURE LOVE without judgments.

Did you learn anything from this transgender women who date transgender women remake guide? Kindly share it on your timeline. I hope that this somehow reduces the stigma that people have on trans lesbians. Let them love who they want to love!

xx

Amanda